She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
