i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize