Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
