You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
