somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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