even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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