so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
