I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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