the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
