Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
