So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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