You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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