we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
