He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
