whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
