I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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