Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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