I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
