I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
