I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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