if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
