you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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