i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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