Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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