Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

we need to stop having unprotected sex.

(1-319): View more from Iowa

ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.

Fav 8 3473 1414
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(970): View more from Colorado

Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.

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(206): View more from Washington

Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.

Fav 4 1883 701
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(310): View more from California

i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20

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(928): View more from Arizona

I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.

Fav 2 424 484
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(702): View more from Nevada

Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.

Fav 0 51 14
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