woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
