the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
