I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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