with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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