Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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