Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
