Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
