I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
