i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
