Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
