Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.