There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
