I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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