I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
