I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
look no pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
