It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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