We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
