C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
