Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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