just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
