i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
