dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
