look no pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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