plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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