Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
