I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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