guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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