My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
