ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
