i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
