Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
