Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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