MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
