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He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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