I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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