my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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