K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are my feet made of real feet?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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