I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
