I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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