based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
