id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
