i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
