I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i think i just lost a toe
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
