I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
