I smell stomach acid.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
