Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
