what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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