So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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