I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
