I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
