I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
