I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ladies don't puke and tell
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
